Tuesday, July 19, 2011

so it's been a month...

Hey blog. Things have been busy. I've moved to my destination city, things have actually been not so great. Been really lonely, actually. That's what I get for not knowing too many people here (but really the Emerald City was where I knew the most people, so anywhere would be like this...). But I expect I'll meet people slowly.

I went to an OA meeting yesterday. While I have so many issues besides food issues, I do have an eating disorder and I need to get things under control. No more binging, no more purging. I've realized I have to treat my body right. I haven't done much about it yet (been so fatigued, haven't been eating right and my sleep schedule's fucked), but I'm getting the urge to. I need to eat right. I need to sleep. I need to exercise. Might take up the couch to 5k running plan.

I had a near death experience today. I was almost hit by a car - it was sort of my fault because I was completely exhausted and not being mindful. It missed me by a few inches. But somehow I wasn't hit. I feel like maybe this was supposed to be a wake up call. Dorothy, get your shit together. I've been feeling incredibly bad these past few days. Did something really shameful and embarrassing last week and ever since I've been wanting to hide from the world. And I've been off my meds. So clearly, taking major steps backward instead of forward. Good job, D. But I've gotta work on this, and I gotta work hard. I find it hard to work hard because historically I've never really cared enough, but perhaps now is the time to suck it up and learn.

I think I'm finally getting my smarts. :) now to just ACT on them.